Thursday, March 19, 2009
Our last day with the kids.....for now.
Well the week went by quickly and we had to say goodbye to the kiddos at 3pm. While a bit sad the goodbye went okay. We kept it low key for the kids. Laci really didn't have a concept of time and kept saying "goodbye, see you tomorow!". We tried to explain to her that we wouldn't see her tomorrow but she just kept saying it. Jenavi seemed a little bummed throughout the day but overall everyone was ok.
We didn't do a whole lot together today. We had to spend the morning sorting everyone's belongings and packing up to check out of the hotel. After that we had to take Yulissa to meet her foster mom for her eye appointment. We ran a few errands with the rest of the kids and then killed some time walking around the store while we waited for Yulissa. After getting her back we went out to Wendy's for lunch and then headed to a park that was in their neighborhood for the remainder of our time. We played on the swings and monkey bars and then sat in a pavilion playing a board game until it wsa time to take them back.
We had talked about trying to get the kids to come up over our town's spring break in another week and a half but still have a little bit of red tape to get through with paperwork and negotiations. Apparantly both of the foster moms have been telling the kids that they think they will be coming to Indiana then. We kept telling the kids that we didn't know how long it would be before they came home for good but we hoped it would be that soon. I don't know if they got the concept that it could potentially be quite a while before we see them again. They all seem eager to move to Indiana. I hope it stays that way when the time actually comes to move!
We really enjoyed our week together but can't wait for some of the normalcy of having them at home to begin.
We didn't do a whole lot together today. We had to spend the morning sorting everyone's belongings and packing up to check out of the hotel. After that we had to take Yulissa to meet her foster mom for her eye appointment. We ran a few errands with the rest of the kids and then killed some time walking around the store while we waited for Yulissa. After getting her back we went out to Wendy's for lunch and then headed to a park that was in their neighborhood for the remainder of our time. We played on the swings and monkey bars and then sat in a pavilion playing a board game until it wsa time to take them back.
We had talked about trying to get the kids to come up over our town's spring break in another week and a half but still have a little bit of red tape to get through with paperwork and negotiations. Apparantly both of the foster moms have been telling the kids that they think they will be coming to Indiana then. We kept telling the kids that we didn't know how long it would be before they came home for good but we hoped it would be that soon. I don't know if they got the concept that it could potentially be quite a while before we see them again. They all seem eager to move to Indiana. I hope it stays that way when the time actually comes to move!
We really enjoyed our week together but can't wait for some of the normalcy of having them at home to begin.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Day 3 -condensed because I'm sleepy!
This morning we hit McDonalds for breakfast.....nothing ended up on the floor this time so I'd call it a success! We were supposed to take Yulissa back to her foster mom so she could go to her dentist appointment but we were happy to find out that the office canceled the appointment and we didn't have to give her up for those few hours. We decided that we would spend the day at the Texas State Aquarium and the beach so we headed off to Walmart for supplies. We got beach towels, sand buckets and sunscreen. The aquarium was fun but the kid's attention spans were shorts (except Jenavi's as she likes to remind me) so we were only there for a little over and hour. We got to pet the stingrays, watch otters wrestle, dolphins and sharks swim, as well as lots of other creatures. We then headed to the beachside snack stand for lunch again. We walked to the beach after lunch. Jenavi and Yulissa immediately wanted to be carried out into the deep water. All they had to do was say "daddy please" and out they went. Laci and Johnny chased the waves in the more shallow water and then dug in the sand. I managed to miss several spots on my legs, back and chest with the sunscreen and got a little bit burned....not too bad though. Yulissa and Chris went on a walk to find shells while Jenavi and I made "sand soup" in our buckets to feed to the fish. After leaving the beach we came back to the hotel for showers and then back out for dinner. The kids wanted to go to a place called Gattitown. It is a pizza buffet with and arcade in it. We all ate pizza and then the kids got $5 each for games. With left with an assortment of cheap arcade prizes such as a slinky, balloon, fake teeth, fake rings, slap bracelets and pencils. The kids were almost asleep in the car on the way back to the hotel but as soon as we walked in all of their energy was back (except for Yulissa) and we had to work to get them calmed down and into bed. Chris and I just finished up a TON of paperwork that we had to finish and are now working on getting to bed ourselves. We have to figure out how to get this VERY messy hotel room back in order and packed up early tomorrow before checkout!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Day 2
We started off the day with a phone call to our hotel room from the front desk complaining that we were being too loud. I guess we are just troublemakers already! We decided it was time to get out of this small room and find someplace we could be noisy at. We got everyone showered up and headed out to IHOP. All of the kids decided to get funny face pancakes - complete with their own tube of yogurt to decorate it with. After we ate we headed out to Cole Park. It is a playground that is right on the bay. The first set of color pictures that we got of the kids were taken at that park and we thought it would be neat to see it in person. We took some new pictures there, played on the equipment, played bocce ball and watched some people feeding the birds. The birds caught the bread in mid-air - probably a good 50 of them swarming around. We then stopped at the local Whataburger (which seems to be the local equivalent to McDonalds) and got some drinks and fries to share. After that we headed out to meet the kid's therapist. Chris and I got to meet with her for an hour by ourselves to get some insight on the kids and how we could best meet their needs. Then the kids met with her as a group. After they went back to meet with her they kept sticking their heads back into the waiting room because they were afraid that we were going to leave them. After promising we weren't going anywhere they stayed in the back with Miss Carole Ann for their session. We decided to help the kids burn off some more energy by going to the beach. It was hard to believe that they had only been there 2 or 3 times before since they live right on the water. We had every intention of not getting soaking wet. We were just going to roll up their pant legs and walk in the water but that didn't turn out how we planned. Very quickly they were all soaked by chasing after the waves and running away from them. They were squealing and yelling at the water and having a blast. Since everyone (except Rachel) had soaked clothes and sandy butts we decided to eat dinner at one of the little beach front snack bars. The kids all had pizza, chips and ice cream while Chris and I ate footlong hot dogs. We quickly realized that ice cream + kids = hyper!! Laci, still being soaking wet from the water, sat at the table shivering the entire time (even though Chris went and bought her a beach towel to wrap around her). When we walked outside and the wind started blowing on her she got big crocodile tears in her eyes. I do believe if daddy had turned around at that moment that Laci would now be the proud owner of a pony! We went back to the hotel, got dried off and changed and then played Uno Attack and Whonu together. We then piled onto one bed and shared my scrapbook with them so they could learn a little bit more about our family and our life. After that it was lights out.
Monday, March 16, 2009
What a day!
We went to one of the foster homes to meet the kids this morning at 11am. They were all very excited and full of energy and stayed full of energy the rest of the day! We gave the foster parents their gifts and then got in the SUV to head back the hotel. Each kid had their gift from us on their lap and Chris told them they couldn't open them until we got back to the hotel. It was torture! Good thing the hotel is only a mile away! We got back to the hotel, opened the gifts we got them, got all of their bags up to the room and then headed back out for lunch. They all wanted to go to Golden Corral so that's where we went. Yulissa had scarfed down her entire plate of food before I even got mine back to the table. She then headed to the dessert table. She got banana pudding and a brownie. Then she gave me a brownie saying she remember from our scrapbook that I said chocolate was my favorite dessert. She then went back and got Chris banana pudding after finding out he loved that. Now mind you on the second trip she also got herself more banana pudding and 5 brownies (only 1 of which she was allowed to eat). Johnny is also a big eater wanting to go back several times. Jenavi is not a big eater and only chose gummy bears for dessert. Laci was eating just fine until she saw Yulissa's dessert and then decided she was done and wanted dessert too.
When we got back to the hotel we played some of the games we got for them. Mall Madness took a little too long to set up so by the time it was ready Jenavi was the only one still interested. Chris played Kerplunk with Laci and Johnny while Yulissa went back and forth. Then everyone ws ready to swim.
After lunch we had stopped at Walmart and bought everyone swim suits. I helped Laci (5) change into her new tinkerbell suit. Everyone else got changed and we went downstairs. Everyone jumped right in except Laci. She said she just wanted to put her feet in. Johnny had to stay to the side because he was a little too short to keep his head above the water (even though it was only 4 ft deep) and doesn't know how to swim very well. Yulissa and Jenavi were showing off doing handstands, flips and cannon balls. Laci finally got brave enough to let me put her on my shoulders and carry her into the water. After that as long as either Chris or I were holding her she was just fine being in the water. She had a blast splashing everyone along the way too.
We got cleaned up from swimming and went to McDonalds for dinner. Only one cheesburger and one container of ketchup landed on the floor. Not too bad in my opinion for rookie parents to four kids.
Overall the day went well but I think it is safe to say that we are both worn out. Right now the kids are all laying in bed pretending (or not pretending in Johnny's case) to be asleep. Chris and I are trying to get some paperwork done before we crash.
The kids have gone back and forth between calling us Chris and Rachel and calling us Mom and Dad. Laci made the statement to me that I was going to adopt her and be her everyday mom forever. The kids were also asking about if they would change their last name and seemed happy to do so when we told them they would eventually. As a matter of fact three of them wanted to change their first name. Yulissa wants to be Crystal, Laci wants to be Elizabeth and Johnny wants to be Corbin. We will see when the time comes what happens with that. Goodnight all!
When we got back to the hotel we played some of the games we got for them. Mall Madness took a little too long to set up so by the time it was ready Jenavi was the only one still interested. Chris played Kerplunk with Laci and Johnny while Yulissa went back and forth. Then everyone ws ready to swim.
After lunch we had stopped at Walmart and bought everyone swim suits. I helped Laci (5) change into her new tinkerbell suit. Everyone else got changed and we went downstairs. Everyone jumped right in except Laci. She said she just wanted to put her feet in. Johnny had to stay to the side because he was a little too short to keep his head above the water (even though it was only 4 ft deep) and doesn't know how to swim very well. Yulissa and Jenavi were showing off doing handstands, flips and cannon balls. Laci finally got brave enough to let me put her on my shoulders and carry her into the water. After that as long as either Chris or I were holding her she was just fine being in the water. She had a blast splashing everyone along the way too.
We got cleaned up from swimming and went to McDonalds for dinner. Only one cheesburger and one container of ketchup landed on the floor. Not too bad in my opinion for rookie parents to four kids.
Overall the day went well but I think it is safe to say that we are both worn out. Right now the kids are all laying in bed pretending (or not pretending in Johnny's case) to be asleep. Chris and I are trying to get some paperwork done before we crash.
The kids have gone back and forth between calling us Chris and Rachel and calling us Mom and Dad. Laci made the statement to me that I was going to adopt her and be her everyday mom forever. The kids were also asking about if they would change their last name and seemed happy to do so when we told them they would eventually. As a matter of fact three of them wanted to change their first name. Yulissa wants to be Crystal, Laci wants to be Elizabeth and Johnny wants to be Corbin. We will see when the time comes what happens with that. Goodnight all!
Down to 1 hour!
We will be leaving the hotel in about an hour to go meet the kids! Lots of prayers please! Neither one of us slept very well last night because we were too excited. We both gave up and got up around 6am.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
One Thankful Dad
Daddy's turn to share......It is so strange to be ready to meet for the first time children that I have already loved dearly for months. My heart constantly aches to be with my kids and I am so grateful that they are so excited to meet us. I have no doubt that God has been preparing their hearts for some time now and I also know that all of your prayers on our behalf have certainly been heard.
When I look back at my life, I have certainly had my share of brokenness, some inflicted on myself and some through circumstances outside of my control. But when I see all of the brokenness that these kids have been through, I am in awe of how God has brought us together... and the fact that He is bringing them into a church family and biological families that are full of broken people who will have tremendous compassion and love for them, but perhaps more importantly, will be examples to them of how as people of faith we are able to rise above the junk in our lives and find great joy and contentment in life by trusting that God has orchestrated everything in our lives for our good. I look forward to those teachable moments where they will learn that God never abandoned them but rather was at work preparing a forever family that would bring seven people together who needed each other and until recently weren't even aware of it. Thank you SO much for all your prayers. Please continue to pray for us this week as we bond with our kiddos. Love to all. Chris
When I look back at my life, I have certainly had my share of brokenness, some inflicted on myself and some through circumstances outside of my control. But when I see all of the brokenness that these kids have been through, I am in awe of how God has brought us together... and the fact that He is bringing them into a church family and biological families that are full of broken people who will have tremendous compassion and love for them, but perhaps more importantly, will be examples to them of how as people of faith we are able to rise above the junk in our lives and find great joy and contentment in life by trusting that God has orchestrated everything in our lives for our good. I look forward to those teachable moments where they will learn that God never abandoned them but rather was at work preparing a forever family that would bring seven people together who needed each other and until recently weren't even aware of it. Thank you SO much for all your prayers. Please continue to pray for us this week as we bond with our kiddos. Love to all. Chris
Our day
Today we went out for brunch at Denny's and then decided to go to the USS Lexington museum. It is the actual retired USS Lexington ship. I believe they said it was about the height of a 19 story building. It was very interesting to see how people live on a ship like that and how it operates. We watched a movie there about a fighter pilot and how they train. It was a good way to make the afternoon pass.
We checked into a new hotel where we will be staying with the kids the next several nights. We decided to have Baskin Robbins for dinner (hey, it's vacation!) and then came back to the hotel to call the kids.
Jenavi answered the phone. She said she was watching the movie "Twilight". (It can't be the new Twilight movie because it hasn't come out on DVD yet. I checked.) She said she was watching it by herself. She said the Johnny and Laci were both asleep already. She told us that she went shopping earlier today and that she got a new jean skirt with white on the bottom. We told her we couldn't wait to see her tomorrow morning. We didn't call Yulissa because we still weren't sure that her foster mom was okay with us calling. We will find out more from the social worker tomorrow.
Tomorrow is the big day!
We checked into a new hotel where we will be staying with the kids the next several nights. We decided to have Baskin Robbins for dinner (hey, it's vacation!) and then came back to the hotel to call the kids.
Jenavi answered the phone. She said she was watching the movie "Twilight". (It can't be the new Twilight movie because it hasn't come out on DVD yet. I checked.) She said she was watching it by herself. She said the Johnny and Laci were both asleep already. She told us that she went shopping earlier today and that she got a new jean skirt with white on the bottom. We told her we couldn't wait to see her tomorrow morning. We didn't call Yulissa because we still weren't sure that her foster mom was okay with us calling. We will find out more from the social worker tomorrow.
Tomorrow is the big day!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Talked to the kiddos again....
We got to talk with all the kids again this evening. Jenavi (10) got on the phone first and was very talkative this time. We asked her what her favorite restaurants were and where she wanted to go with us when we were together. She told us she liked a restaurant called Chicos and also liked going to McDonalds. She also told us she liked to read a lot and the last book she had been reading was "Remember the Alamo."
Johnny (8) got on the phone next. He was short and to the point. We asked if he had a favorite restaurant and he said "yep." When we asked what it was he said he like to go to McDonalds with the playland and to Golden Corral.
We then talked to Laci (5). She immediately asked us to spell the word "bat" for her. She said she had been practicing writing her letters. Then she asked us to spell "tiger". Then she told us she was going to spell a word for us and see if we could say it. She spelled l-n-e-g-i-l-a-p-e-o-d. We told her we didn't know how to say it and she said it spelled "eagle". I guess you learn something new everyday! She told us her favorite place to eat was something about fajitas but we couldn't figure out the name of the restaurant from her. She also said she liked to go to Walmart, HEB (sort of like a Super Walmart - we went to our first one today) and Home Depot. Then she said that she and Jenavi were playing school and that Jenavi was the teacher.
Jenavi got back on the phone and said that Laci said she was done talking to us. Jenavi said her foster mom was roasting marshmallows in the fireplace. Then we could hear the foster mom asking her to ask us if we went to church and what religion we are. We told her and then she told us that she is working on her Holy Communion.
We then called Yulissa at her foster home. We only got to talk to her for a couple of minutes because her foster mom told her "five minutes." She told us they were watching "Mall Cop". She said she likes to go to eat at "Gattitown" and that she wants to show us Cole Park where she plays. She said she would be going to church in the morning.
We are going to talk to Jenavi, Johnny and Laci again tomorrow evening at 7pm. We aren't sure if we will get to talk to Yulissa again before we meet them all for the first time on Monday at 11am.
Johnny (8) got on the phone next. He was short and to the point. We asked if he had a favorite restaurant and he said "yep." When we asked what it was he said he like to go to McDonalds with the playland and to Golden Corral.
We then talked to Laci (5). She immediately asked us to spell the word "bat" for her. She said she had been practicing writing her letters. Then she asked us to spell "tiger". Then she told us she was going to spell a word for us and see if we could say it. She spelled l-n-e-g-i-l-a-p-e-o-d. We told her we didn't know how to say it and she said it spelled "eagle". I guess you learn something new everyday! She told us her favorite place to eat was something about fajitas but we couldn't figure out the name of the restaurant from her. She also said she liked to go to Walmart, HEB (sort of like a Super Walmart - we went to our first one today) and Home Depot. Then she said that she and Jenavi were playing school and that Jenavi was the teacher.
Jenavi got back on the phone and said that Laci said she was done talking to us. Jenavi said her foster mom was roasting marshmallows in the fireplace. Then we could hear the foster mom asking her to ask us if we went to church and what religion we are. We told her and then she told us that she is working on her Holy Communion.
We then called Yulissa at her foster home. We only got to talk to her for a couple of minutes because her foster mom told her "five minutes." She told us they were watching "Mall Cop". She said she likes to go to eat at "Gattitown" and that she wants to show us Cole Park where she plays. She said she would be going to church in the morning.
We are going to talk to Jenavi, Johnny and Laci again tomorrow evening at 7pm. We aren't sure if we will get to talk to Yulissa again before we meet them all for the first time on Monday at 11am.
shopping and sightseeing
We spent today driving around Corpus Christi and seeing the sights. I have to tell you I am not very impressed with the city. Even with it being right on the water it is a pretty gloomy and blah. Lots of factories and run down buildings. Maybe it will look better once the sun decides to come out. So far it has not shown it's face. I did find a Popeyes Chicken to eat at for lunch. I love that place! I got my spicy chicken and red beans and rice. So sad there isn't one around Anderson anymore!
We went shopping for presents for the kids today too. We decided to get each of them a game that we could play together. We got Yulissa the Hannah Montana version of Mall Madness. Jenavi got Uno Attack, Johnny got Cosmic Catch and Laci got Kerplunk. Chris is wrapping all of the presents right now.
We are going to talk to the kids again at 7pm tonight. When we called and asked their foster mom what time would be good to talk to them again today she said 7 because they were having a birthday party for someone at their house right now. She did say that the kids said they were looking forward to a phone call today. She had told them she wasn't sure if we were going to call again today since we talked yesterday but said they would be happy to hear from us again.
We went shopping for presents for the kids today too. We decided to get each of them a game that we could play together. We got Yulissa the Hannah Montana version of Mall Madness. Jenavi got Uno Attack, Johnny got Cosmic Catch and Laci got Kerplunk. Chris is wrapping all of the presents right now.
We are going to talk to the kids again at 7pm tonight. When we called and asked their foster mom what time would be good to talk to them again today she said 7 because they were having a birthday party for someone at their house right now. She did say that the kids said they were looking forward to a phone call today. She had told them she wasn't sure if we were going to call again today since we talked yesterday but said they would be happy to hear from us again.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Our first conversation!
The kids social worker told them about us and showed them the scrapbook we made for them. Our initial prayers have been answered and the kids are so excited! I am so glad they are receptive to us! They insisted on calling us right away and we got to talk to each of them. They have such sweet little voices. Yulissa was very excited that she gets a Hannah Montana room and think the snow in the pictures looks cool. She also thinks that Charlie our 70lb dog looks like a small dog. Johnny is ADD and didn't stay on the phone long but Dee, the SW said he was grinning the whole time. Jenavi told us about the diorama she made of the Alamo at school. and Laci, who had to get on the phone and talk to us twice was quite hard to understand but kept chattering away. There was so much talk and laughter in the background. Laci out of the blue started giggling on the phone and said something about Jenavi when we asked her what was so funny.
We are so excited to know that they are open to us and can't wait to meet them face to face! They are excited to show us around Corpus Christi!
We are so excited to know that they are open to us and can't wait to meet them face to face! They are excited to show us around Corpus Christi!
Travel
We made it! We are in a hotel in Corpus Christi right on the beach. We have a balcony that overlooks the beach and the birds that are flying around are not afraid of people! I swear one of them might fly right into us on the balcony! I would like to brag and tell everyone in Indiana that we are enjoying beautiful weather and sunshine but unfortunately I can't. It is rain, gloomy and colder here then in IN! It is only about 40 degress right now. We heart it supposed to get warmer though!
Travel was uneventful for the most part thankfully. We had no delays. The last leg of our flight was completely full so it was a bit cramped but thankfully it was only a 40 minute flight. When we went to pick up our rental van that we had reserved they didn't have any mini-vans left. We got a 7 passenger Dodge Journey SUV instead and they knocked some money off of our bill. If that is the only hiccup in our travels I won't complain!
Right now our kid's social worker is having the meeting with them to tell them about us. I admit that I'm nervous about their reaction and we are anxiously awaiting a call about how it went. We are praying that they have open hearts and an excitement that even they can't explain. I'll keep you posted!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Packing
I can't believe the time is really here! We are packing for our flight. I will go to work until 3am tonight and then come home and head to the airport at 4am. My brother-in-law is so nice to get up in the middle of the night to drive us! Thanks Joe!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Airline tickets
We purchased our airline tickets today and reserved our rental van for the trip to Texas next week. We leave on Friday bright and early at 6:25am! It is really happening!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Progress and a Party!
Well we had some great news last week. Out of the blue we found out that Indiana signed off on the ICPC! Things have been moving at a crazy pace and we found out we are going to get to go visit the kids for the first time next week! Our plan is to fly out on Friday the 13th (scary I know!) and come back on Friday the 20th. If all of the rest of the paperwork goes through smoothly our plan is to bring the kids home about two weeks after we return from visiting them. That will allow them to come home over spring break and have a week to adjust before getting into school.
With wondeful news we realized that we are running out of time. We have been working like crazy to get the kid's rooms finished. Yulissa's Hannah Montana room is done! Other then a few minor details Laci and Jenavi's pink monkey room is done with the exception of a few minor details. (Thanks Angi and Samantha for all your help!) and we are finally making headway on Johnny's sports room. We are planning on making a video of their rooms to take with us to Texas to show them.
And this evening my wonderful friends threw us a party to celebrate that the kids are coming home. There was a great turn out and I can not begin to express how thankful I am for the wonderful friends in my life. I don't think Chris and I would even consider taking on these kids without the support of these friends and family. We ended up with a bunch of gift certificates to the movies for the kids, a gift certificate to walmart, some very sweet art projects from some of our friends kids, and lots games. Oh and I can't forget the three stuffed monkeys we got to add to Laci and Jenavi's room. The cake had the picture of the kids on it. It was so beautiful I almost hated to eat it.....almost! Thanks everyone for making it so special!
With wondeful news we realized that we are running out of time. We have been working like crazy to get the kid's rooms finished. Yulissa's Hannah Montana room is done! Other then a few minor details Laci and Jenavi's pink monkey room is done with the exception of a few minor details. (Thanks Angi and Samantha for all your help!) and we are finally making headway on Johnny's sports room. We are planning on making a video of their rooms to take with us to Texas to show them.
And this evening my wonderful friends threw us a party to celebrate that the kids are coming home. There was a great turn out and I can not begin to express how thankful I am for the wonderful friends in my life. I don't think Chris and I would even consider taking on these kids without the support of these friends and family. We ended up with a bunch of gift certificates to the movies for the kids, a gift certificate to walmart, some very sweet art projects from some of our friends kids, and lots games. Oh and I can't forget the three stuffed monkeys we got to add to Laci and Jenavi's room. The cake had the picture of the kids on it. It was so beautiful I almost hated to eat it.....almost! Thanks everyone for making it so special!
Monday, March 2, 2009
ICPC
Okay so we finally got word that the interstate compact (ICPC) was on its way back through the channels to Texas last Thursday. Our social worker hasn't exactly been speedy through this process. Well it hasn't gotten very far yet. It got stalled at the state level in Indiana. Apparantly Indiana and Texas are now quibbling about the language in the contract. Indiana wants it to just say that this is a foster placement and when the time comes for adoption we'll modify it. Apparantly that means that our kids would be foster kids for around a year instead of 6 months. Texas has never heard of doing such a thing and is thinking that if there is nothing in the contract about adoption it isn't to there benefit to send the kids here. They have plenty of foster families in Texas. They need to get these kids adopted. Even knowing that our intent is adoption apparantly isn't enough - everything has to be written out. I am sure all of these changes that Indiana wants are all due to money. It is frustrating!
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